` when.its.time, it.would.happen <33 ________

::my stories

Sunday, February 20, 2011

It has been sometime since I last blog. So much things happened lately. The CNY period has just passed. But the festive mood was not the same as previous years, it seems more boring. Maybe it was due to that I re-stepped in into the workwork after 6 mths of break. Time really passes, and its my 5th mth of work in STE. 5 mths into this job made me think alot. Will be recontract or will they even wan to recontract with me? Anyway there's 7 more mths to end of contract. My workload also increased very much. But I'm still enjoying it. Just that it getting a little irritating when I'm overload with my current workload and people keep calling in to say there are issues with this and that, as to resolve quickly. Or when there is issue, the issue somehow becomes my problem. Haix...

Besides work there are also other problems. Problems are never ending. But I choose to believe this problems will resolve with time. Some people may say that I'm avoiding the problem and refuse to face it. Yes, I agree with that. I do not want to make myself miserable by thinking of all the problems. Doesn't mean that thinking them day & night will resolve all overnight. If that happens, everything will calm and peaceful, no emotional breakdowns, no quarrels, no disagreements, non of these will happen.

There are soo much things kept in my heart. I do not know who I can pour them too. I fear people might have a bad impression of me after telling them how I feel.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *2/20/2011 10:32:00 PM

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Sunday, December 12, 2010

After watching 读心神探, it made me think of lots of things. It made me realise why must human thinking be so complex? Why can't we be simple minded?

I agree that our movement show how we actually feel. Sometimes what we say does not mean what we feel deep inside. I'm an example of such person. I do not mean to plot against something/person, but more of I want to protect myself. There is a very big barrier/wall surrounding around me. Thats the reason why if I'm with a group of people who that I totally do not know, or rather strangers, I would not mingle much with them. I will have reservations of what I do/tell them.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *12/12/2010 11:19:00 PM

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Thursday, December 02, 2010

I need to find somewhere that I can SCREAM out loud!!!
Feeling damn lousy right now! =(
It just feels too horrible to bear all in my heart.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *12/02/2010 12:01:00 AM

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Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Feeling rather emo these few days. Thinking of all the what if... But the "what if" will never happen as I'm unable to turn back time to make another decision.

So I decided to plan for my future. But I could not think of anything constructive except to stay onto my current job till end my of 1 yr contract. I do not find anything attractive to make me feel enthu living each day. So its high time to set some goals settings to make my life more fulfilling.

I have so much in my mind that I want to voice out. But it seems that words cannot express how I am feeling right now at this moment. Sometimes when I'm alone, I just can't help thinking who can I look for to let me express out all my feelings. Most of my best friends have their other partner. I can't always voice my frustrations to them. They themselves also have their troubles & frustrations. I just felt useless. But thank god that I've have a goldfish memory. So after a good night's of sleep, the next day will usually be a great day. But this routine will repeat like a bus journey. No matter how much I travelled, I will still be back to the orginal point.

Just felt so tired. Why must 1 consider so much just to live. Why does one feel depends so much family, friends & the love ones. There are so many WHYs that I want to ask...

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *12/01/2010 10:00:00 PM

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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Came upon this website and decided to try out this quiz on my working style:

Your Working Style
You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. When you are care, you care deeply, but are more likely to show your feeling by deeds rather than words. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to things or people you care about.
You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values. You stick to your values with passionate conviction, but can be influenced by someone you care deeply about. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by quiet reserve.

In everyday activities you are tolerant, open-mind, flexible, and adaptable. If one of your inner loyalties is threatened, though, you will not give and inch. You usually enjoy the present moment, and do not like to spoil it by rushing to get thing done. You have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

You are interested mainly in the realities brought to you by your senses, both inner and outer. You are apt to enjoy fields where taste, discrimination, and a sense of beauty and proportion are important. You have a special love of nature and a sympathy with animals. You often excel in craftsmanship and the work of your hands is usually more eloquent than words.

You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you-- human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you deeply care about something, and are particularly suited for work that requires both devotion and a large measure of adaptability.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can be true even when you are being as effective as others. You take for granted anything you do well and are the most modest of all the types, tending to underrate and understate yourself.

It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become too sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself. Actually, you have much to give and need only to find the spot where you are needed.

Suituable Careers:
artist
beautician
botanist
carpenter
clerical worker
computer operator
counselor
dancer
dental and medical assistant
designer
dietician or nutritionist
factory worker
food service worker
forester
gardener
geologist
marine biologist
mechanic
nurse
occupational therapist
optician
physical therapist
police officer
recreation leader
secretary
teacher
veterinarian or assistant

Hmmmm... Its seems rather accurate. I'm shy to strangers, but when I'm close with them, I will do silly stuffs infront of them. No more image to consider abt.
From the looks of above, it seems that I'm not suited to be an engineer? Oh no! I have wasted 6 yrs of studying! -.-

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *11/28/2010 11:18:00 PM

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Just finished looking through all my previous blog posts. Realised I changed. But unsure is for the better or worst. This blog space would be a great place to store all the happiness and sadness memories that I have encountered. Its a regret that I've not been actively updating my blog in the recent years. Maybe I shld do a weekly or at least a monthly update on what happy/sad events I have been though.

Major events:
1) I was jobless for 6 mths. I left my job @ GAI as I found no motivation to go to work everyday. Colleagues were nice but somehow I just could not click with them very well (talk crap with them).

2) Went for a short holiday to HK for 6 dyas. It was a great trip except that there were a few arguements btw my aunt & mum -.-'"

3) Finally gotten a job @ STE thanks to Joyce Tay. If not I might be jobless till now.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *11/28/2010 12:00:00 AM

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Friday, November 26, 2010

There is so much I want to say in my heart. But I fear when ppl/ close frens look @ my blog, they will think "why likedat?". So I choose to keep them in my heart. I may look that I do not care how ppl look @ me, but deep in my heart, I know I do care alot how ppl look @ me, especially those who are close to me and those I love.

You may say that ppl see den they see lo. But cos I do not have a high confidence level of myself, I always felt inferior ( fat, short & ugly). Maybe I'm jus envious of those who are prettier and slimmer den me.

I do not dare to love anyone else (except my family members).
I fear rejections.
I fear for alot of things.
Maybe its my character that makes me to have low confidence level.

This sucky feeling is back agaian, esp when I'm alone and all those -ve thoughts just appear in my mind (shoo -ve images shoo!) It just feel terribly horrible. Its like I know you like something alot but I know that you can never own it (% of owning it is = 0.000001%) = almost 0%.

I myself also dun understand myself well too. Like it den get it. Why think so much. Later if its taken up, dun regret hor... And usually (so far >90%), I would just give up. There is this saying short term pain is better den long term pain. So I have to tell myslf that this is the best reason to tell myself to give up harbouring the impossible.

I realised as 1 get older (or wiser), there will be more and more concerns and things to consider before making/ decision what to do next.
I want to be the old me.
I wan to be the naive me.
I want to express out all my thoughts.
I just want to shoot out wadever I'm thinking.
I want to be more confident. ( Dunno when will that ever happpen)

Solution to all these problems: Nil
Ways to hide/ run away from these problems: Go to slp

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *11/26/2010 11:28:00 PM

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After reading my fellow colleague's blog, I realised that I didn't blog for like 1 to 2 yrs. Time really passes...

20 Sept 2010 marks the 1st day of my new job @ STE. Colleagues were rather nice. I got a new colleague (Yi Zhong) who joined the same team on the same day as me (Lucky I'm not alone). Joyce was in the same dept as me, so I will have a good fren there together with me.

Its like been 2 mths since I started work. Time passes very fast. The project manager who taught me & yz left the company and we have to handle the things that he have taught us within 1 mth. Even though I can't say I'm coping very well, but I can say that @ least I'm able to do my basic job scope.

My colleagues were nice ppl. Maybe initially I was shy and they looked serious. But after 2 mths working with them, I realised that I'm the only one going ard disturbing ppl and crapping with them. This makes our job more enjoyable too.

1) LP: Manager of the team
2) VC: Nice guy. Willing to teach me SQL and allow me to bombard him with questions when I'm in doubt.
3) TG: He may look fierce, but he actually very friendly. I could crap with him @ times & he gave me a nickname: Xiao Wang (sounds so old lo!)
4) JL: Also quite a serious guy. But when he is sian/ tired, he will go ard looking for us to chat for a while b4 going back to his desk to complete his remaining work.
5) JT: My uni friend. We also have the same character (very sotong) and so far we are the closest in the dept.)
6) CC: More serious guy compared to JL. Too back I'm not able to know him better as he will be leaving us soon.
7) YZ: Both of us came in the same day. He's a nice colleague. And sometimes I would disturb him and he's fun to bluff. But still need to know him better.
8) EK: New colleague and will be joining the MT soon. Didn'y talk much with him.

Above is the summary of how are my new colleagues like @ STE. Maybe will update in more details when I get to know them even better.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *11/26/2010 11:11:00 PM

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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Its been almost a yr that I last blog.
So much things happened this year that I cant really remember what happened.

Some major events of yr 2009 till todate 11.10.09 are:
My step-grandmother pass away ard April this yr. I tot that I wasn't close to her, and this would mean that I wouldn't be affected back by this incident. But I was wrong. Till now, I realised that I couldn't accept the fact that she was alive when I last visited during CNY and 1 or 2 mths later, she was no longer there. Everything jus happened suddenly. I day while preparing for exams, I received a call from my parents that she was hospitalised. My parents wanted me to concentrate for my exams, but it seems that her codition wasnt looking too gd. When I went down to the hospital, I couldnt recognise her. My heart just sunk. During exams, she passed away. It was a tiring period for me to shutter btw sch, funneral and home. I'm gald that I was able to overcome that period and managed to pass all of my exams. I just felt not so confident compared previous semesters to even pass majority of my modules. I fear that because I didnt pass any of the modules, it would have meant that I have to stay back for another semester and also not being able to graduate this yr. My parents would be terribly disappointed if I have to be retained for another yr. But I'm gald all of this was over.

My new chapter of life begins after my covocation. After looking for a job for approx. 3 mths, I was offered a Finance Adminstrator position at an airfreight company located at CAC. Yes this finance admin job is totally non-related to what I have studied during my 6 yrs in poly and uni. But it was really a bad time to graduate this yr due to the economic crisis. I knew that I cannot be very picky as I'm a fresh grad, and engineering sectors (except those linked with the gov.) wasnt really hiring ppl, especially for fresh grads. So obviously if any company offers me a position with reasonable pay, I will take up the offer. Now I was thinking whether was I too rush to take up the offer at that period of time? Anyway its too late to regret. Looking forward for another 4 more mths before I decide whether shld I stay on with that company.

sometimes,WHAt.YOU.c.may.JUST-be.WHAt.YOUget *10/11/2009 10:43:00 PM

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